Ignorance Is Not Bliss!

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Girls night out!! It had been so long. Rucha was looking forward to catching up with Vidhi and Neha. Divya, could not join in tonight unfortunately. The four had been friends for a while. These were the nights when they would pour out their hearts… bitch about their husbands and in-laws. They could say things about their kids which are otherwise unacceptable for a mother to utter. The four could share their anxieties, problems, goals and ambitions, secrets and dreams, views and opinions without the fear of being judged. They strongly believed to each his own and there is no right way of doing anything. In fact right and wrong are all very relative terms based on situations and circumstances.

After the initial session of mother-in-law and husband bashing, the three moved on to other topics. “Hey guys… did I mention my niece Piya is going to Ahmedabad for further studies? I am so anxious and excited for her. You know her right, she is such a well behaved girl, always follows the norms, listens to her parents all the time. I feel she is too closed and mature for 18. She needs to explore more, have some fun, take some risks, define her own identity, make some mistakes. I hope she can break the shell to discover her real self and do some crazy things too in the process. After all, the best years of your life are between 18 to 25, when you are independent to take your decisions but hardly have any burden of responsibility”, said Rucha excitedly.

“Are you sure Rucha? Sometimes is it not better to just follow existing norms and practices. Why should she experience freedom and independence? Why is it important for her to realise her self identity?”,asked Vidhi. “What are you saying Vidhi?”, questioned a surprised Rucha and Neha in unison. “Hear me out. If she doesn’t know what freedom is, having your own views and opinions is, won’t she be happier? Is it not better to not know another world-view than the one we are trained for since childhood. Are we not groomed since birth to be good wives, daughter-in-laws and mothers?And isn’t that exactly what our educated and forward thinking husbands expect too?”

“But that does not mean one should not be exposed to different situations and ideologies. One should of course have her own identity, own thoughts”, replied Neha. “But what is the point? What have we achieved by having such views and thoughts? At the end of the day, are we treated equally to the men in the house? Don’t we succumb to the demands and wishes of our family? Then why raise the bar of expectation so high. It is better not to know the other side at all. Then, at least you will not be unhappy and dissatisfied with your situation”, continued Vidhi, who had been going through a rough patch at home since the past few months.

“What you are saying makes no sense Vidhi. How will anything ever change then? If women before us thought this way, we would still be jumping into the funeral pyres of our husbands. There were people with strong views against the practice of ‘sati’ and thus it was abolished”, said Rucha. “But Rucha, ‘sati’ wasn’t abolished because to women only. There were enough men against the practice”, replied Vidhi. “Maybe those men were raised by strong women, who taught them to think with an open mind or were married to women who had a thinking mind and motivated their husbands and brothers and fathers to take a stand against this ghastly practice”, Neha replied.

“I don’t know ya. I feel this exposure and knowledge brings a whole lot of expectations, which when unfulfilled result in too much unhappiness and a feeling of being tied down”, continued a disheartened Vidhi. “Vidhi every person brings about a change which affects society in a small way. Look at my example. You both know I was married in a joint family where daughter-in-laws were expected to cover their heads with their sarees in the presence of elders, not wear sleeveless clothes, not work outside home, wear trousers and skirts on vacations with the husband only. But I changed all of that. I was the first woman to work, wear sleeveless, skirts, shorts and trousers in the presence of everyone. I was the first woman in my family to have an opinion of her own on matters other than food, clothes, religion and child rearing. Of course everyone called me names. But within a few years it became a norm and all the other women and girls in the family followed suit. No one found it odd then. Yes, I became the black sheep sometimes, but it brought about a positive change in the lives of many women in my family”, explained Rucha. Neha gave a knowing smile. “Why do you think we have these lives? Didn’t our mothers and grandmothers break some rules, change some practices. Is our life not a result of their efforts in some way? Had it not been for the efforts of generations before us we would not be voting or going to school or driving or sitting here sipping wine”. Vidhi finally nodded in agreement. “Ya, maybe you both are right. Probably its just because of all that is happening at home and the inequality and expectations I encounter everyday I was feeling so”, she finally agreed, her clouded thoughts clearing.

“Ignorance is not bliss sweetheart. We want to raise our kids right and what they see in us will be their baseline. If they see weak women in us, our girls will be meek in their relationships while our boys will not treat their partners equally. Our individual actions have an impact on the future generations!”, concluded Rucha.

The three finally smiled at each other and dug into the tiramisu sitting in the centre of the table.