Happiness Lies Within?

We all had gone to this elegant place for dinner the other evening. About 10-12 of us, we meet once a month. After the initial pleasantries, jokes, latest books, movies and restaurants, the men started talking politics and the women shifted to children and their value system. Please forgive the divide here. Yes, unfortunately, it is a men talk politics and business and women talk home, religion/spirituality and children scenario in most cases. But let’s save that for another time. Any ways, coming back to the subject at hand.

So yes, all the mothers were concerned about the values with which their kids are growing. Things are not like before, we would be happy with so little, today’s kids are insatiable, technology boom, respect for elders, value for money, handwork, etc. were the basic thoughts around which we were hovering.

Everyone finally concluded our children learn from what we teach and tell them and all we need to do is tell them that happiness lies within. But do our children only hear us or do they observe us too. And do they absorb more through observation or hearing our ‘gyan’?And more importantly, does happiness lie within?

If we tell our children not to spend too much time before the screens but we are glued to our phones and tabs, isn’t it but natural for them to emulate us? It is ridiculous to compare our childhood to theirs as the times are different. If kids can’t take a no for an answer, it is because we are providing them things before they even ask for them. In most cases, it is a matter of excesses. Our kids have too many things they don’t need. We have made them the centre of our lives and treat them like princes and princesses. Our parents didn't do these things.

They get bored too quickly, because they are born in a time of low attention spans and constant change. Our lifestyles are fast and we want to achieve too many things too fast. Technologies and lifestyles are upgrading faster than ever before.

We tell them to share but we are increasingly becoming selfish and self-centred. We talk about joint family values and togetherness but are constantly comparing and competing with our cousins and friends. We talk about money and materialistic possessions much more than our parents did.

Are they going to learn from what we say to them or from what they see and hear us do and say when we are not consciously instructing them?

To the second issue. Does happiness lie within? 

If it does, then why with every passing day we increase the number and category of the possessions we have? Why are diamonds a girl’s best friend and why does a man aspire for a Harley Davidson? 

Our entire life is about fancy products and experiences. Our children see our happiness on buying a Louis Vuitton, Jimmy Choo, Banarasi Saree, Prada and Rolex. Like us, they live in a world of Banana Republic, Lacoste, Ted Baker, Armani. Shopping means going to an up market mall with stores like Mango, Zara, H&M, GAP, Aldo, Adidas, Tommy Hilfiger and the products we buy here bring us joy. None of us want to drive a Maruti Zen anymore. Either we have a Mercedes, Jaguar, Range Rover or BMW or we aspire to change our Camris, Lauras, Innovas or Cretas to these. Our Apple and Samsung smart phones, laptops and tabs bring us pride and joy.

Happiness is freshly baked croissants in the ‘Du Pain’ bakery in Paris, fish recheado in ‘Martins’s Corner’, Goa and  goulash at ‘Gasthof Brandstatter’, Salzburg. Joy is watching ‘Lion King’ on Broadway or ‘Cirque du Soleil’ in Chicago or “Alladin’ in Mumbai. Enjoyment is recliner seats in PVR to watch the latest Mission Impossible. Bliss is sipping Margaritas at ‘Fisherman’s Cove’, Mahabalipuram looking at the beautiful sea or spending an enchanting evening listening to a melody on a violin sipping Martini in a cafe in Florence’s square.

Merriment and celebration is partying at some fine lounge or club. Pleasure is travelling to Europe, Goa or Rajasthan and living in a Marriot or Uday Vilas.Relaxation is a nice massage in a spa. Satisfaction is a lavish destination wedding for my child.

A picnic is more about the exquisite basket filled with delightful goodies, a lovely mat to spread out and a smart ball to play with. Trekking is more about the right track pants, shoes and gear. Cycling begins after purchasing a superb geared cycle, helmet and glares. Almost every experience of our lives revolves more around the products required than the experience itself. 

Our children see, hear and experience this on a daily basis. Contentment and delight comes from such products and experiences is ingrained in their minds since birth due to our choices. We can’t change this learning by taking them out for an occasional ‘pani-puri’ or ‘vada-pav’ at a ‘thela’ or orally asking them to find joy in the simpler things in life.

Certain words, phrases and statements sound very good, profound and meaningful. They feel right and appropriate too. Sometimes we use them to sound socially correct. But before applying these monumental values to our children or to anyone else, we need to ask ourselves what they mean and signify in our lives. How are we conducting our lives? If happiness lies within, why are we all of choosing diamonds, bags, shoes, phones, cars and watches to bring us joy? If happiness lies within, why are we all searching for it in exotic locations, grand celebrations and elegant restaurants?