Boy! Oh Boy!

image courtesy : nwasianweekly.com

“Mummy, we aren’t home for dinner tonight. Ashu and Vipul are expecting their second one. The four of us are going out to celebrate”, said Ruhi excitedly.“Oh accha. How old is their daughter Kirti now?”, asked her mother-in-law. “She’ll be six by the time the baby arrives!”, replied Ruhi.“Hmmm…. Makes sense. They obviously need a boy. Have they undergone the test to confirm?”, asked her mother-in-law.“What? No. They don’t want any particular sex. But Kirti is very keen on a baby sister”, Ruhi answered a little annoyed. “Oh please Ruhi, don’t bullshit me. They have obviously taken a second chance for a son. Who will take Vipul’s name forward? What about their business? They need a son”, she said matter of factly. “No Mummy, our generation does not think like that. There is no difference between a girl and a boy. We don’t care about the family name and all such trivial things. And girls are proficient enough to carry on the business and bloodline”, replied Ruhi angrily.“You and your friends…. You’ll are something else. The world wants a boy and you’ll talk nonsense”, her mother-in-law laughed sarcastically and walked away.

Ruhi was fuming on her way to the restaurant. “How can these people think like that? Which world do they live in? If educated families like ours think like that, what must be happening in uneducated families?”, she asked herself. Her husband, Ajay could see she was enraged.“What is the matter Ruhi? Why do you work yourself up over these silly discussions?, he asked her.“How can your mother talk like that? Even when I was pregnant she had told me she would be upset if we didn’t have a boy. Do you remember when she asked me to hand over our second born, Rajiv to your sister because we already had a son and she had two daughters? What nonsense is this?”, replied an agitated Ruhi.“Just ignore yaar. Chill. You need a cold beer”, Ajay said winking at her.

Ruhi let the subject go that evening but it was not a matter to forget. It was not the first time she had had this argument with her mother-in-law. She had thought about this many times in the past. She had tried to change the point of view of her mother-in-law, her sister-in-laws, her grandmother and many others like them, but in vain. The importance of a boy to carry the family name and bloodline forward was so deeply ingrained in the minds of these people, all logic fell on deaf ears.

What are the motivations and why is this urge to have a boy so deep-rooted in the minds of so many people like Ruhi’s mother-in-law? 

When a girl procreates, the bloodline of her family is carried forward just like when a boy does. The same genes and DNA are carried forward. The main difference lies in the family name, as most girls adopt their husband’s names after marriage. But in today’s times, even that is changing. An increasing number of girls are retaining their parent’s family name or surname after marriage. If the surname is so important, parents can simply ask their daughters to not opt for a name change post marriage.

The other obvious reason for a son is to carry the family business legacy forward. But in today’s time and age, girls are as learned as boys and tend to have the same technical  and financial understanding and know how because of their education and exposure. They are as capable as boys to carry on and succeed in the family business. And it really should not make a difference if your money and property go to the daughter or son. Either is your flesh and blood.

The third motivation is to have a child live with you and care and provide for you in your retired days and old age. Again, the same logic applies here. Many girls are taking up the responsibility of their parents nowadays. Daughters, bring over ageing parents to live with them and readily take up their responsibility as and when the parents need taking care of. It is fairly common to do so in present-day society and if daughters are raised to believe it is their responsibility just like sons are, parents should have no fear of loneliness or financial or medical help.

Lastly, the religious angle. Scriptures do lay a lot of importance on the male child. According to scriptures, the last rites performed by a male child only enable parents to free themselves of this world and move on to the next. Our religious texts proclaim that the soul will suffer and will be stuck forever if a son does not perform the cremation in the properly stated manner. But have we not evolved in the past few thousand years to question these customs? Our logic, education, understanding and progress are the tools which can enable us to break  the shackles of these old and out dated thoughts and customs.

Is it not time we rethink these ideologies and statements like the ones made by Ruhi’s mother-in-law? Maybe we have just been blindly following our ancestors without once pausing to think about the validity and merit of these thoughts and actions. If we think it through rationally, in today’s times there is actually no difference between a son and a daughter.