The Truth Behind Increased Divorces In India

Another divorce? What is happening to our society? What is the matter with this generation? They just don't know what it means to adjust and compromise. The foundation of marriages is compromise and understanding.... to be giving.... toward each other and the family.

So often we hear these statements. And more often than that we hear of another divorce. But it does not seem like anyone is really trying to answer these questions, address the root cause. All the gurus and pandits and maharishis of society are giving us gyan on the sidelines... about understanding and being accomodative. But their advice is clearly not helping. Divorces are on the rise.

There clearly are some underlying causes of the increased rate of divorces in the Indian society. Especially urban India. The problem is, that in any average urban household today, girls and boys are raised as equals. There is no discrimination. They eat the same food, go to the same schools, wear the same brands, watch the same movies or shows, party in the same clubs or joints, have the same time curfews. The urban girl of today is growing up with the same set of values as her brother or any other boy friend unlike times bygone. She is not expected to cook or participate in the household chores. Just like any boy, the only expectation her parent's have is of hard work to score good grades in all exams and then to party, watch movies and sit back and relax. Her parent's believe in her bright future and expect and anticipate her to complete her post graduation, land an excellent job, travel abroad, make an outstanding and exemplary career just like any boy. A girl is as pampered and indulged in as any boy would ever be. She is the star in her family, the apple of everyone's eye, her daddy's princess! She has no clue what adjustment and copromise is.... what it means to be giving. And why would she? Why should she?

Then, it seems out of place to expect her to learn and incorporate these values and attributes after marriage. Overnight she is placed in the role of the 'biwi', the 'bahu', the 'bhabhi', while her husband still carries on being just the 'beta'. She is still the same person she was raised to be. The most important person in the family, the pampered little princess... just like her husband or sister in law.
The truth is that girls and their parents have changed drastically over the past one generation, whereas boys and their parents are stuck somewhere 20 years ago. They still have different set of rules for their children versus an outsider. When it comes to a daughter in law, they want today's stylish, well spoken, independent and working women who is appropriate in their friend circles, will educate the kids well, manage the house and the umpteen chores of today's modern life plus will contribute in winning the bread. But at the same time they want these very girls to be dependent on them, to respect and obey them, to cook and clean after them and to follow their customs, practices and traditions.

Is this possible practically? It seems improbable that today'd urban girl will accept a suborinate or unequal life to her spouse or brother/sister in law. She views herself in the same light as them. Her comparison is with her peers not her mother in law. In all probablities, she isn't even comparing.  She just does not feel she is answerable for her actions or needs to justify her behaviour to anyone. She believes she is entitled to the same freedom or more than her husband. Today's woman only knows how to be herself, the one she was raised to be. In her eyes, it is a relationship of equals. In no way does her husband seem more important than her. He definitely is not entitled to a different set of rights and privileges. Caring for the family and raising the kids is not just her responsibility. The house and everything that comes with it is not her job. She perceives everything to be shared. Joy, responsibilities, duties, fun.... all to be shared by the couple and the family. Her role is not to please anyone.

But unfortunately, that is not not how boys and their families view the marriage. Their definition of modernity and openness is 'allowing' certain clothes or 'giving' the freedom to work or 'permitting' the daughter in law to have a drink. They feel entitled enough to 'grant the permission' to someone to lead their lives on certain terms and conditions. But today's girls are not asking. They expect a relationship of equals. They are not willing to alter their ways just as no one else is. They carry the baggage of their ways, thoughts and upbringing and are proud of it. They want to be accepted and loved for who they are and not what they can be. They do not wish to please or gain anyone's appreciation.
All they ask for is to be accepted for who they are. And if that does not suit everyone, divorce seems to be the only option.... for either parties!